29 April, 2008

Photo clippage #38

Election night approaches, and David indicates the number of viewers likely to tune into his brother on the other side.

25 April, 2008

Humphrey Lyttelton RIP

Devastatingly sad news.

Slight return: slight return

Just discovered you can watch the whole of that Macca TV special here.

Highlights include the man's piano being blown up at the end of 'Live And Let Die', assorted members of the public filmed singing along to Beatles song in a That's Life fashion, a fantastic bit of nonsense to accompany 'Uncle Albert', a raucous knees-up in a Merseyside local, and a magical version of 'Yesterday'.

An ATV Colour Production.

22 April, 2008

The boy with the Wirrn in his side

It's been confirmed that Morrissey is to play a leading role in this year's Christmas episode of Dr Who.

The curmudgeonly racialist is hoping to repeat the success of Kylie Minogue, who dazzled viewers in last year's festive special with her performance as a load of atoms.

It's long been known that Morrissey is a Dr Who fan. His Smiths hit 'William, It Was Really Nothing' was a tribute to the first actor to play the role, while the song 'Little Man, What Now?' from his debut solo LP Viva Hate was a caustic swipe at John Nathan-Turner. The single 'You're The One For Me, Fatty', meantime, was an affectionate love letter to Colin Baker.

When asked for a comment about winning the part, Morrissey replied: "I'm not happy and I'm not sad".

21 April, 2008

The Macca Video Jukebox: slight return

It ran and ran, it got binned off, it was brought back for want of anything else to write about.

Here's Paul giving his all in one of those 1970s musical spectaculars you don't see on TV anymore, chiefly because they are 1970s musical spectaculars.

Full marks to the man for treating the thing with utmost sincerity, despite the giant cut-out legs, the bi-curious hoofing hordes and the ghastly plastered down hair.

He's certainly nifty on his feet, though, and look out for the bit at the end where he and Linda are shown watching Macca performing, in a Harty-esque fashion.

Imagine old miserable bastard Lennon even considering something as good-natured as this.

17 April, 2008

Creamguide live blog!

Welcome to another minute-by-minute live blog following all tonight's thrilling Creamguide action, as it happens.

What will fate hold in store for the safe completion of this week's mailouts? What circumstances, mishaps and bust-ups will contrive to throw multiple spanners in the works? And just whose turn is it to feel the full force of the managing editor's ire?

Rest assured that every single scrap of incident will be documented here, in real time. Stay tuned!

Sitting in the office of my proper job. Not much left to do. Get a drink of water.

Lower the blinds so the sun doesn't shine on my computer screen.

Take a sip of water.

In response to Chris's comment, I can exclusively reveal that Richard Stilgoe will be mentioned just the once in tonight's Creamguide.

Last night's Apprentice was good, wasn't it?

I can exclusively reveal that the Filmguide has been written and was sent over ready for publication an hour or so ago!

Don't forget to keep those emails coming: who's your Pick Of The Popes - Benedict XVI or John Paul II?

Erk! A last minute problem at work is keeping me late in the office. The entire evening is now thrown into confusion.

A text message from Tanya on the M62: "can u give a big shout to my m8s? weve just bin to Ikea at Warrington it was kewl"

Wash up my tea mug. Have a bit of trouble finding the scourer.

The problem is sorted. Time to head home. Wonder how public transport will be tonight?

Back at home. Fell asleep on the train as usual. Oh look, there's a letter addressed to someone who lived here years ago.

The first of TV Cream's weekly mailouts, the TV Cream Times, has been sent. Meanwhile it's time to heat up that leftover risotto from the other night.

Actually, someone once told me that reheating risotto could kill you. This is surely nonsense; it's not the reheating but in the eating that the danger lies.

A quick recap of last week's talking point opinion poll result: 16% of you thought it was good manners to smile at a stranger in the street, 84% of you thought this was likely to get you knifed.

Contention, she wrote! The Filmguide has been forwarded for delivery in a Rich Text File, a format which my computer is unwilling to open.

I open the Rich Text File.

There's a chill in the air tonight, don't you think?

The Digi-Cream Times mailout is finally on its way. Joe from Redcar thinks the Pope should be excommunicated for looking too much like Bernard Cribbins.

And there goes the TV Cream Films mailout.

Make some camomile tea

Well, I hope you all relished another action-packed rollercoaster of a live blog, full of thrills and surprises. If you enjoy reading blogs that write about the most mundane things in as joyless a manner possible in desperately tedious and pointless fashion, you'll find plenty more here, where forthcoming attractions include live blogging of the earth orbiting the sun tomorrow, and the opening of an envelope next Wednesday.

15 April, 2008

Photo clippage #37

It's the 250th post on this blog, and what better way to mark the occasion than have a pregnant Cilla sit on a chair in the middle of a road with Terry Scott, Basil Brush, Leslie Crowther and someone else in a short dress?

14 April, 2008

And the outlook is for...

BBC7 is spoiling us at the moment; not only are Sundays boasting repeats of Stilgoe's Around but as of yesterday, for the next six weeks, you can also enjoy a dose of Instant Sunshine. Last night's series opener featured, among other things, an ode to a female fish and chip employee and a plea for Home Rule For Runcorn, replete with audience singalong.

Those shows are available online, as usual, for seven days, but it's best to listen live, enjoying a late breakfast with Richard then a little light supper with the boys.

08 April, 2008

Ship wrecked

Another presenter is leaving Blue Peter.

Given it's just a few months since the last one quit, and the fact it's the show's 50th birthday this year, I reckon it's time for the Beeb to bring the curtain down on this once indispensable institution. Because from what I've seen and read, Blue Peter is neither of those things anymore.

Since that revamp the other year, there's virtually nothing within the fabric of the show to distinguish it from any other kids entertainment series. And it's certainly no longer an institution. It's never really recovered, either, from all the fuss about the competition-rigging and vote-massaging that forced the previous editor out. There's no real reason, in short, for it to exist, other than for the sake of it, which is no sane reason at all.

I've no idea what kids today think of the show. And seeing as how it's not meant to be watched by people my age, my views are ultimately bound to be coloured by (perpetually rose-tinted) memories of how it used to be.

Maybe it's a big hit among the few hundred thousand people that tune in. Maybe it's irrelevant.

Whatever, there's little worse than detritus from yesteryear cluttering up a TV schedule. Grange Hill passed away with hardly any fuss. Blue Peter feels like it should be next.

07 April, 2008

Giscard O'Hitler

The tables are turned: a collection of anagrams of Richard's name.

05 April, 2008

"This is Maplins, not fucking Shakespeare In The Park!"

The success of BBC4's Curse Of Comedy series must surely betoken a recommission. In which case, where better place to start than behind the scenes at one of the highest-rated ensemble sitcoms of all time. Namely, Wish You Weren't Here: Fear And Loathing At Maplins Holiday Camp.

Thrown together in the name of Saturday teatime caprice are a bunch of actors and comics who can't wait to bury the hatchet...in each other's backs. Simon Cadell (David Mitchell) is tired of playing everything for laughs but simultaneously insecure about surrending his seat to David Griffin (Jack Davenport). Paul Shane (John Thompson) can't abide the preening and pomposity of Jeffrey Holland (Stephen Merchant). Ruth Madoc (Ruth Jones) sees racists at every turn. Su Pollard (Catherine Tate) dreams of a singing career and the next guest spot on Pebble Mill At One.

Meanwhile Felix Bowness (Rob Brydon) longs to shake off the mantle of professional grouch and do a love story, and Leslie Dwyer (Adrian Edmondson) fails to realise his own penchant for a tipple is being mocked in every episode. Nikki Kelly (Jennifer Ellison) wonders if her true attributes are being fully appreciated, and The Webb Twins (Nick and John Pickard) struggle to find a publisher for their new translation of The Brothers Karamazov.

All of this, and back at Television Centre David Croft (Stephen Fry) and Jimmy Perry (John Sessions) fight over residuals while Bill Cotton (Richard Wilson) looks on gnomically.

With a special guest appearance by David Walliams as Michael Grade.

03 April, 2008

Photo clippage #36

It's January 1979, and Barbara Edwards joins Bert and Mike to celebrate 25 years of the BBC's weather forecasting...before promptly quitting, complaining her job is "a waste of time".